Friday, April 10, 2015
Why at 33 years old am I still running into mean girls? Life is hard enough, can't we just be nice to one another and lift each other up? Sure, we don't all have to be besties but why be overtly rude? And it seems that the ones I am running into in their early to mid-20s. Time to grow up ladies.
I do not claim to be a Saint but I do believe that I make an effort to be nice to everyone I meet, be inclusive and just be courteous. Generally speaking, I have been successful at my career and school and most people will credit my dad's influence - saying that I take after his work ethic and acumen. I do not dispute that and I am flattered by the comparison. But when it comes to compassion and caring it's my mother that should get all the credit. When I was young I fairly popular in school. I can remember in 2nd grade the most un-popular girl in school invited our class to her birthday party. I quickly RSVP'd because who doesn't love a party? However, when I found out my best friends were not going I told my mom that I didn't want to go either. She was adamant that I follow through with the commitment I made. Well I was only kid that showed up out of 20. And even though she wasn't popular, we had the best time! And I got to bring home all kinds of extra Land Before Time party gifts! Then in middle school we went on a week long camping trip with school and a girl who didn't have a lot of friends asked me to write her name to be in the same tent. I talked to my mom about really wanting to put my two best friends down but I didn't want this girl to be left out and she wisely advised me that I should put Carrie's name down because my best friends will always be my friends. 10 years later I ran into this girl at a party in college and she spent 20 minutes retelling this story to her new found friends and how much of an impact that trip had on her. At the time I had no idea what I was doing other than just being nice but our actions and words have real consequences (good and bad).
That takes me to present day. On Monday I went to a charity dinner for my friend who is raising money for the American Lung Association. I was at a table of 15 so basically the table split into two conversations. I was sitting with 4 girls, 3 of whom were in Junior League. The girl next to me I have met several times (we will call her W) and then the other two are new transfers so it was the first time we had met them. During the get-to-know-you discussions it came up that me and one of the new girls were very single. This led to an hour of W going through her phone and showing the other girl pictures of her single guy friends. W also went on and on about how pretty this other girl was and she deserved a hot guy. Now, I agree that the other single girl is pretty but honestly, not any prettier than me. So when W showed a picture of one guy that was too old for the other girl I was like, well he is not too old for me. W just looks at me, puts her phone away and says "yeah, he is a really sweet guy." What the heck is that? I joking was like, so can I see the picture? She reluctantly pulled her phone to flash his pic for a few seconds. It was just so rude and overtly mean. Then to add insult to injury she makes a point to then try and set up the other woman who was not in Junior League. So then I guess to throw me a bone she showed me a picture of a who was wearing a tank top, jerry-curled hair and grizzly beard and basically looked homeless. Yeah.... thanks for that.
I left dinner feeling totally insulted and feeling really crappy about myself. That's fine if she didn't want to set me up with one of her friends but holy crap, you don't need to make me feel so small and significant. Just be nice!!!
So to my friends who are moms out there, make sure to teach your daughters to be nice. Stand up to the bullies and include everyone. It may seem silly but it will make a difference not only in someone else's life but in theirs as well. Thank you to my LoLo for teaching me compassion, politeness and being nice.
at 9:54 AM